Body Freedom

Lately I’ve been asking myself these questions: Can I change the way I feel by changing a core belief?  Can I take a closer look at what I have always believed to be true and consciously decide to think differently so that I can feel more freedom and joy, and less angst and anxiety? The answer is yes.

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Burn The Ship

Back in October after a particularly personal social media post, I got a text from my friend, Jerry. He wrote, “You inspire me with your courage.  You put yourself so far out there that you are forced to embrace it.  You put yourself on the new shore of radical self-expression and you burn the ship that put you there so you can’t go back.  Keep speaking.  Your message is wonderful.” I replied with a quick thank-you and was slightly confused by the praise.

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One From the Archives

I pulled this one up from the archives.  It felt right.  Before I posted, I made some slight edits.  Gretchen and I head back to Trinity Church on Saturday night for our THIRD annual Christmas service.  I am beyond grateful for this tradition and for my beautiful life.

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Good News and Thoughts on Fear

On Tuesday, we received really good news from Boston Children’s Hospital.  Although the baby does have an abnormality with his heart, it is considered to be so minor that there is nothing to do except monitor his growth and carry on.  What is unusual for “normal” fetus’ will just be chalked up to “usual” for ours.

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Game Face

There is something wrong with the baby.At eighteen weeks, I had a routine ultrasound with a Tufts doctor at Beverly Hospital.  They brought in the All-Star team right away because I am 1) at thirty-nine years old, considered to be geriatric in the maternity world; 2) have a full-blooded brother with Down Syndrome; and 3) have received A LOT of radiation and some chemotherapy.

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Friendship

Ten years ago, when my ex-husband and I were both in our late twenties, we lived in Washington DC. I was part of a clique of women who were mirror images of each other.  We shopped at the same stores, ran the same runs, wore the same clothes, read the same books and believed the same things.  I LOVED them dearly, but I was always ACHING for more.

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Your Peace is Your Power

This article was originally published in Mantra Wellness Magazine's Summer 2018 Issue

“It is being honest about my pain that makes me invincible.” - Nayyirah Waheed

Every time I hear the words, “Step into Your Power,” my eyes roll so far back into my head that I practically choke on my eyelashes.

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Making Space

Back in April, on my way home from a visit to my parents house in Maine, I took a yoga class in the Seacoast area.  I left the studio feeling sad, angry and confused. Throughout the class, the instructor was raising her voice in a passionate and excited boot-camp kind of tone.  While I could tell that it was uplifting and motivational for the other people in the room, it was not having the same affect on me.

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Breathe

Since my divorce six years ago, I’ve been cutting out the chaos in my life by erasing the drama in any given situation and focusing on the truth.   I work hard to clear away the internal chatter that fuels an erratic response based on assumptions and my own insecurities.

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Acknowledge the Sting & Send Love to the Pain

Even after spending the past six years working on myself by uncovering my kindness, embracing forgiveness, finding my authentic voice and sharing it with others, I am still ever-so-slightly uncomfortable with the fact that there are some people who just don’t like me.  I am aware that their opinion of who they think I am is none of my business, but it doesn’t always lessen the blow.

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L O V E

Right before Soulcation Newport, I wrote a blog about power and my frustration with hypocritical people.  I never published it because it was terrible.  The entire essay was a whole lot of me pointing my finger at “them” and very little of myself on the page. Gretchen tried editing it like 75 times.  I was shoving mouthfuls of humble pie trying to make it work.

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Love & My Marriage

My marriage has spent the last 4 months in a fog of eye rolls, waves of tight-lipped over-exasperated exhales, and a never ending (but not quite hurricane status) storm of miscommunication and misunderstanding. Together, we have been trapped on a ship simultaneously named, “Annoyed” and “Resentful” and have been chasing our very spirited 2 year old son around a slippery deck with no traction, direction or plan. I’m exaggerating but I will say this; it hasn’t been good.

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This

I did it.

I took a step that was not my normal step, and after saying 5 words out loud, I put myself onto a different path.Last week, after teaching yoga, I was driving through Gloucester and instead of taking a right onto Route 128 to go home, I found myself continuing straight towards the Serenitee Restaurant Group offices. I silently decided that if there was parking available in front of the building AND if the owners car was tucked into the not-a-real parking space near a particular dumpster, then I would go inside and say my truth.

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The Game

Just like the snowflakes that my Sunday School teacher had taught me about during my elementary years; there are no two bodies that are the same. My problem is that for as long as I can remember, I have been trying to recreate my shape, size, color and structure into what SOMEONE ELSE has decided to be “the best.” Of course, I’ve always liked being “the best,” so when I was 11 years old, I very willingly entered the competition and signed up for the (seemingly) life long challenge.

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Faith

Last Fall, after several deep discussions with Gretchen, I said a manifestation, or a “prayer” to The Universe.  Alone in my car, I said these words out loud: “I open myself up to the greater good, in hopes of a life beyond my wildest dreams.”  It’s simple.  It means, “Put me where I am supposed to be so that my existence in this world is useful.” 

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Keep Going.

It’s Mother’s Day and I’m in my bed, under the covers while Sam and Mike play cars and trucks downstairs.  There is a pretty bouquet of flowers sitting in the center of our kitchen table that Mike had delivered (from Sam).  Mother’s Day isn’t on my radar and I’ve promised both Mike’s mom and my own mom that we will celebrate together on Tuesday.  I needed to buy more time.

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Finding Authenticity

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.  You wait and watch and work; you don’t give up.”  -Anne Lamott

I was recently asked to give a talk on “Public Speaking” for a yoga teacher training at a local studio.  I have a reputation of being articulate and direct and that USUALLY translates well when I’m in front of a group of people.

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Bring On The Joy

My super smart and spiritual friend, Petey is a comedian by trade.  He exudes joy.  Legitimately.  He talks about people who proudly walk this earth with barbed wire around their hearts bragging that they are "a hard laugh.”  And Pete is the exact opposite.

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The Prince of Peace

 I never take Saturday nights off.  Ever.  Saturday nights are how I pay my electric bill.  My everything bill.  But this past weekend, I found something so deeply important to my soul and my physical being, that it was a must:  I went to church.

Before I go on, a disclaimer:  I am not trying to sway anyone in any way of religion.  I have not changed my mind about Christianity.  I do not believe that what-we-do/any-prayer-we-say on this earth determines our eternal fate.

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A Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

 Turns out, Fear found his way back into my life.  Honestly, he never really left.  He just pushed over.  Like a bratty sibling who eventually squirms her way back into the window seat.  I thought I was exempt from his powers so long as I was soaking up every moment and grateful for each day.  But a few months ago, I started noticing him.  He’s been hanging onto the end of A LOT of my sentences, ruining happy occasions and heckling me from backstage while he watches my daily interactions.

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